This in one that has been going around facebook for a while and every time I see it, it breaks my heart all over again.
“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….” ~ I don’t know who originally wrote this, but would love to give credit if I did.!
Now what I think about every time is about how a lot of couples are in this day and age. What is wrong with our relationships? Well to be honest a lot. My husband and I pride ourselves as having such a great relationship. Do we fight? Well of course we do, I said we have a great relationship, not that we don’t have disagreements. We don’t hide our feelings, we get them all out in the open argue until we come too a resolution and then we are done with that. We have great communication and we talk to each other about EVERYTHING. Life isn’t always pleasant, but we bring things out so that we don’t let them fester and increase the anger.
Now, here is my simple answer! The answer with the majority of today’s couples is that they don’t talk about things. They don’t take the time to work things out and get through the tough times. They don’t know how to really fight for what they want, which sometimes shows with other relationships too such as work, family, and friends. Now what is the reason for that? Honestly I don’t know, it could be because Divorce is such an easy option, because they are too lazy to fight for what they want, or maybe even because they don’t know how to fight for what they want. Whatever the reason, we need to be the ones to show people that divorce shouldn’t be the answer unless nothing else can be done.
Did you know that 49% of marriages end in divorce?
I got married when I was young to my first husband and at the time only went through with it because others were pushing it and I thought I didn’t have any other choice. After only 6 months we were separated and within a year were divorced because of unspeakable things that he did and went to jail for. If there were people there telling me that I didn’t have to go through with it or that we didn’t HAVE to get married then I wouldn’t of made such a terrible mistake that I will not regret for the rest of my life. In my circumstance though divorce was absolutely necessary as is in some circumstances.
Divorce is so much more than just you and your husband separating, especially when there are children involved. What example are you setting for you children, that it’s ok to promise to love someone forever and then just leave instead of trying to work things out? That you don’t have to honor promises? What kind of guide do you set for your children to base their relationships off?
What if instead we start teaching our children the importance of relationships? Showing them a great base relationship that they will use to base off their own relationships for the rest of their lives? What if we teach our young girls that marriage shouldn’t be gone into lightly? That you can love someone but they still not be the right person to get married?
So now I make it a point to show our children what a good relationship is like, we do argue in front of the kids and I know others would disagree with that. However, we also explain things to our kids and not just treat them like they wouldn’t understand anything. We explain to them that sometimes we disagree and fight about things, but we Always work things out and are better because of it. We talk with our 11 yr old twin girls about not giving up like the woman in the story – Yes we shared it with them, and then we explained why their relationship was so wrong.
What kind of relationship base are you setting for you children? What could you do better? What are you great at in portraying a good relationship?